Return of the Gamers 2 : Their Alternate Universe!
by Chi Mousey
Summary: Quick, it's the Return of the Gamers 2! Now finally in their own alternate universe comes their biggest adventure yet! Meet their interesting familiar family, see their life played out if it was an anime and video game crossover. Don't miss this humor
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I yet again do not own any of the Final Fantasy, other game, or anime characters. And yet again those that I do own will be posted with each chapter that they appear in.

Characters I/my friends own:

Chi me

Hotaru

Jaheira

Director

Chi: Yay! Another FFVII/any other FF or anime or game fic that I want! Woot! I'm gonna have to have someone from every game or anime that I've ever played/watched come in at some point!

Hotaru: YAY! FUN! HYPERNESS! Hooray for random crazy other world cross-overs!

Jaheira: To put it this way, this fic is what comes out when those to get hyper on caffeine and pretzels and are set loose to imagine.

Chi: cuddling computer keyboard My Precious.

Hotaru: Woot! Monkey Man! Frodod! Uncle Kuja, Yazoo, Loz, and Kadaj! Ears, ears, ears, ears, tails, tails, tails, tails…

Jaheira: See what I mean.

Note: I switch from past tense and present tense in the action parts cause when the peoples are filming it's like someone's narrating.

Chapter 1

"Scene 90 Aeris's Gift take one!" the director called out.

"Aeris?" Cloud called as he saw her praying.

Five columns form a path to the shrine. All of them are no wider than Cloud.

Below them is a pool of pure, blue water. Cloud leaps onto the first column. The others move as if to follow, but Cloud waves them away. He leaps across the other columns and reaches the shrine. He steps onto the stairs leading up to the glass platform where Aeris kneels. The screen goes red for a moment. Cloud shakes his head and reaches for his sword... then shakes his head again and continues. He stands before Aeris. She does not move. He faces away and draws his sword. She still does not move. He turns to face her. He lifts his sword above his head. She still does not move. Cloud brings down his sword and….

"Cloud!" Vincent yelled.

"Stop!" Tifa screamed.

Cloud shakes his head and steps back. "Ugh... what are you making me… hey, wait a minute? Very funny you guys."

Everyone but Vincent cracked up as Cloud realized that his sword had been switched with Yuffie's Japanese hand fan.

"Cut!" The marker clacks infront of the screen. "Scene 90 Aeris's Gift take two!"

"Cloud!" Vincent yelled.

"Stop!" Tifa screamed.

Cloud shakes his head and steps back. "Ugh... what are you making me do?"

Aeris looks up for the first time and sees Cloud. She smiles beautifully. The camera pans up. Falling from the bright white light from above comes a black figure. It falls faster and faster. It is Sephiroth. His sword is drawn. Faster he falls, straight for Aeris. Just inches away from Aeris his grip slips and his sword conks her on the head.

"CUT!"

"Ow!" Aeris screamed rubbing her head.

"Sorry." Sephy motioned for his rope men to pull him up.

"Scene 90 Aeris's Gift take two!"

It is Sephiroth. His sword is drawn. Faster he falls, straight for Aeris. Suddenly one of his ropes tangle and Sephiroth tumbles out of control. Cloud dives out of the way breaking his foam sword as Aeris is caught underneath Sephy.

"CUT!"

"Get off me!" Aeris screamed shoving Sephy off.

"Sorry, sorry." Sephy said dusting his coat off and checking his nails. "I'll be sure to get it right the next time."

Twenty takes later.

"Scene 90 Aeris's Gift take twenty-two!"

It is Sephiroth. His sword is drawn. Faster he falls, straight for Aeris. His sword pierces through Aeris's body. The next few moments seem like hours. Cloud's heart pounds in his ears. Sephiroth, his sword through Aeris's body, just stares at Cloud. His eyes glitter, cat-like, a sly smile on his lips. With a great noise of grating metal, he pulls his sword from her body. Aeris falls forward, her eyes wide open in shock... but the smile does not leave her face. Then her eyes close. As she falls, her hair ribbon comes undone and a small materia, glowing a pale green, falls from it. It bounces once, then twice, and eventually bounces off of everything in the room and is headed for the camera and…

"CUT!" The director picked up the materia looking it over. "Alright, who switched the materia with a bouncy ball?" The sea of actors parted leaving Yuffie standing alone in the middle, "Alright Yuffie, hand it over."

"Heh, heh," Yuffie twitched then bolted out of the room.

"Scene 90 Aeris's Gift take twenty-three!"

It bounces once, emitting a small, pure sound against the glass floor. It bounces again, and again, until it falls off the platform into the clear water below.

"And cut!" The director clapped. "Alright people, on to Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 1 and action!"

Aeris's body falls forward. Cloud makes an attempt to catch her, but she falls flat on her face.

"Cut!" the director rubbed his head. "This is gonna be a long day."

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 10!"

"...Shut up." Cloud said bowing his head closer to Aeris trembling. He abruptly looks up at Sephiroth. "The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing."

Cloud slowly turns his head back to Aeris's sleeping face as a lion's roar is heard in the background. Simba stands on Pride Rock as "The Circle of Life" plays.

"Cut! What are you doing here?"

Simba stepped down from his rock and traipsed over. "Didn't he say the circle of nature? Isn't that the same thing as the circle of life?"

"You're here for that Kingdom Hearts bit aren't you?" The director growled.

"Yeah, isn't this it?"

"Third floor o smart one." The director rubbed his head as Simba contemplated what he said. "Red XIII would you mind showing him?"

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 12!"

"...Shut up." Cloud said bowing his head closer to Aeris trembling. He abruptly looks up at Sephiroth. "The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing." Cloud slowly turns his head back to Aeris's sleeping face. "Aeris is gone, Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry... or get angry..." He holds her body closer to his and bows his head forward. "What about us... what are WE supposed to do?" Cloud drops Aeris onto the floor. "What about my pain?" He trembles. "My fingers are tingling, my mouth is dry, my eyes are burning!"

Sephiroth moves for the first time. He slowly lowers his arms and looks at Cloud. "What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings too?"

Cloud quickly stands up to face Sephiroth. "Of course! Who do you think I am? I love you Sephy!"

"Cloud!"

Sephiroth and Cloud run towards each other through a beautiful field of flowers. Laughing and smiling they hug and run about in circles and…

"CUT! What was that!" Sephy and Cloud looked innocently at each other. "Where did that field come from? Cloud, you dropped Aeris _again_. Cloud, you love her, she died, and now your dancing through a field of flowers with the very man who killed her!"

"Uh, huh," Cloud nodded.

"Uh, never mind!" The director pounded his head on his desk.

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 20!"

"Because, you are... a puppet." Jenova said.

"I'm... a puppet?" Cloud thought.

The screen fades in. Aeris's body is resting against one wall of the shrine. Cid stands before her. He looks skyward as if in prayer, then turns and leaves. Yuffie lowers her head silently crying then runs over and hugs Cloud surprising him. She runs off after Cid. Cat Sith hops over to Aeris, shakes his head, and hops off. Barret does the same mentioning a few unmentionable words in the process. Tifa kneels next to Aeris. She reaches up and touches Aeris's face, her hair, then Tifa covers her mouth, squeezes her eyes shut, and runs off. Red XIII, followed by Vincent, are the last to pay their respects as they howl or silently look at Aeris and then Cloud. Cloud walks over to Aeris. He gently picks her up and follows Vincent down the columns. Cloud jumps, and with the extra weight, loses his balance and falls forward onto Vincent. Saving himself and Aeris at the last moment, Cloud holds onto the pillar as Vincent plunges into the water below.

"CUT!"

"Hey Vincent, you okay?" Cloud asked a soaked Vincent as he helped him out of the water. Vincent just stared. "I guess you're fine then… heh…heh….."

Vincent lunged for Cloud who squealed and darted about the room with Vincent shooting at his feet. Cloud frantically searched for an escape and headed for the exit, but unfortunately the camera was in the way.

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 25."

"Not yet!" Tifa screamed running in. "I still have to put my make-up on. My artist called in sick today."

"Okay, I think Chi and Hotaru can fill in for now."

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into Life take 25."

Cat Sith hops over to Aeris, shakes his head, and hops off. Barret does the same mentioning a few unmentionable words in the process. Tifa kneels next to Aeris. She reaches up and touches Aeris's face, her hair, then Tifa covers her mouth, squeezes her eyes shut, and runs off. Snickers arose from the camera men as Tifa walked by. They zoomed in on the mustache and beard that was poorly drawn on her face. As she jumped from pillar to pillar a "Kick me" sign became visible from underneath her hair. It was signed Cloud, Zack, and Sephy. A little gun and gunblade was drawn in the corner as a signature for Vincent and Squall.

Tifa looked in a mirror and screamed. "What did you do to me?"

Chi and Hotaru replied. "We just made you look better. They say that permanent marker is all the urge in Europe."

"Really?"

"_CUT!"_

"Scene 91 Puppet - Descent Into…" a farting noise filled the room as the director sat in his chair. A whoopee-cushion lay flat on his seat. "That's IT! I've had it!" The laughter in the room came to an abrupt stop and Cloud, Zack, and Sephy all tried to hide the whoopee-cushion box from view. "I'm going on vacation so there won't be any filming for a year!"

"That's an offal long vacation." Hotaru mentioned to Chi who nodded.

The director just glared at them. "Goodbye and good riddance!" Everyone just stood there as he left slamming the door. He came back in. "GO HOME!"

"OH!" Everyone gathered their things in a pleasant chatter and headed for home.

End of Chapter 1

Chi: Heh, heh, what'd you think?

Hotaru: Well don't worry, the best part is yet to come!

Jaheira: shakes her head

Chi: Meet our _family_ in the next chapter!

7


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I yet again do not own any of the Final Fantasy, other game, or anime characters. And yet again those that I do own will be posted with each chapter that they appear in.

Characters I/my friends own:

Chi me

Hotaru

Jaheira

Guard Dog a.k.a. Zero

Chapter 2

"Hey Hotaru, which way is home again?" Chi asked looking around the Nibel Mountains.

"I don't know. Let's just walk around randomly. We'll eventually get there." Hotaru said.

Two hours later.

"Are we there yet?" Chi asked rubbing her feet.

"Umm…."

"There you guys are!" Cloud came running up and Chi and Hotaru jumped him.

"Brother!" they screamed.

He smiled and patted their heads. "Mom sent me to get you, you're WAY late."

"Big Brudder" Chi and Hotaru chirped. "Can we go the reactor?"

"Uh, well…." Cloud rubbed his head.

"Pwease!"

"I wanna go! I wanna go! I wanna go!" Hotaru whined giving a puppy eyed face.

"Urg…."

"If you don't take us then we'll tell Disney about….that… you know what…. Hee hee." Hotaru and Chi gave an evil laugh. "Ha…haha…hahaha…hahahahahaha…"

Kuja randomly appeared. "You called!"

"Yay! Uncle Kuja!" the girls screamed running up and squeezing him to death.

Cloud grabbed his head. "NO UNCLE KUJA!"

Far off in the distance Disney's voice was heard. "No, it's Kuja! I'm going to a spa!"

A random voice begged with Disney. "TAKE ME WITH YOU! HAVE MERCY!"

Kuja, Hotaru, and Chi all looked at Cloud with big watery eyes. "PWEASE!"

Hotaru pulled out a random white envelope. "We'll give you a picture of daddy."

"Um……" Cloud could barely resist snatching the photo. "I… already got one. Besides, the last one you guys gave me was just of daddy's hand shaking Barret's hand. It was pathetic."

"But… but….."

"You know, this reminds of that one time when I was a babe…" Kuja randomly sprouted into poetry.

"STORY, STORY, STORY!"

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!" Cloud shouted looking down at the five year old Sora. He carried his little plastic Barbie backpack on his shoulder like a purse. "Daddy shopped for you didn't he, Sora?"

Sora nodded enthusiastically. "Yup, I got a stuffed goosey!" He showed Donald and Goofy the toy goose.

"… and then the rider came and the princess…" Kuja was continuing his poetry.

Cloud glanced at the photos, Sora, Kuja, and the fugly goose. "OKAY! I'll take you, but we gotta leave the goose behind."

Sora got all serious as he fished through his bag. "No goose gets left behind!" He tried to be dramatic like Cloud while stuffing his pink Barbie army helmet onto his head.

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Come on."

"YAY!"

30 minutes later.

"Big Brudder, our feet hurt!"

"Waaaah" Sora cried. "I got a rock in my shoe!" He showed Cloud his little pink army boots.

"Waaaaaaaaaah!" Kuja cried like Sora, only longer and more dramatically. "My love, my poetry, it has left me!" Kuja fainted like a woman and fell on Chi and Hotaru.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Hotaru and Chi cried. "Uncle Kuja squisheded our tails!"

Chi and Hotaru ran around holding their tails and bawling. Goofy and Donald got in their way and were pushed off the mountainside.

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..." Donald took a breath, "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccck. GOOSE!" Donald landed with a splat, Goofy landed on top of him.

Sora frowned. "Why don't I have a tail? It's not FAIR! Everyone has a tail 'cept for me! I want a pink one! It'll match my boots!"

Cloud grabbed his head. "I'm confused."

Sora ran around in circles his mind randomly switching from one thing to the next. "Swifer no swiping! Swifer no swiping! Swifer no swiping!" Hotaru and Chi sniggered picturing Seifer wearing just a robber's mask. "… teletubies, teletubies, say hell-o… Barney was a dinosaur from our imaginations, do do do dododo… my little pony, my little pony, do, do, do, do, dododo, my little pony, my little pony, we'll always be in your heart." Everybody stared at Sora, amazed that he could remember any part of a song. Donald and Goofy staggered back onto the cliff. "Call upon the sea ponies when you're in distress. Call on just me ponies, merely signal sos… Go, go PowerRangers! Do, do, do, dodo. Digimon, digital monsters, digimon are the champions! Winnie-the-pooh, Winnie-the-pooh, silly willy little old beary airy… I wanna be, the very best, like no one ever was! Do, do, dodo. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause. Do, do, DO! I will travel across the land, searching far and wide." Sora dramatically swung his head from side to side. "Do, do, do, DO! Each pokémon to understand the power that's inside. POKÉMON! Gotta catch 'em all! Our hearts so true/ our courage will lead us through, you teach me and I'll teach you. POKÉMON! Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em all! POKÉMON!" Sora finished, threw his arm up, punched

Donald, making him fall off the cliff again, and took his bow. Pokemon was the only song that Sora knew all the words to.

Everyone clapped, then returned to their chaos.

"Waaaaaaaaaaah! Our tails!"

"I want a tail!"

"My poetry!"

"My head!"

"My back!"

"Hu-yuck, my duck!"

"Yay a rhyme! Poetry, hath RETURNED! HA…HAHA…HAHAHA…HAHA!"

10 minutes later all is calm again.

"Oh, my head," Cloud rubbed his head.

"Are we there yet?" Kuja whined.

"You know you didn't have to come Kuja." Donald said flatly.

"Who…said…. that?" Kuja did a dramatic arm movement sending Donald flying again. "And you know that you can…………."

"Fllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. GOOSE!" Donald hit with another splat.

"Hey Cloud…" Chi started.

"What's that?" Hotaru finished pointing to a tall building ahead of them.

Cloud glanced at it. "Why that's just the Nibelheim Reactor, nothing important there." He froze and gave the two an evil glare. "Why didn't you say something earlier!"

"Heh, heh, ZACK!" They screamed hiding behind Kuja who was off on another poetry spurt.

"Come on!" Cloud said pulling them along.

"Bridge!" Sora whined when they got there.

"Alright, someone has to cross it first." Cloud said and everyone looked at the fugly goose.

"No Way!" Donald spat. "swtch." Donald did his usual spitting noise that he does when he's angry.

"Hee, hee." Hotaru gave an evil laugh as she threw a bread crumb out onto the bridge.

Donald went crazy and bolted for the bread. The bridge broke and he fell once again.

"Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk! GOOSE!" Splat.

"Heh, heh. Works everytime." Hotaru stated.

Cloud shook his head. "Looks like we'll have to go the long way."

"No! Uncle Kuja can fly us over!"

Cloud eyed Kuja. "Alright, take Goofy first."

Kuja picked up Goofy and half way through the flight yelled something dramatically throwing out his arm causing him to drop Goofy.

"… and the handsome prince…. And fugly goose… and klad…"

Cloud glared at him. "He'd better not be talking about me."

"Klad, Klad, Klad…" Chi and Hotaru chanted as they ran circles around Cloud.

Sora peered over the edge. "My doggy! My goose!"

"DUCK! OH KRAD! GOOSE!" Splat.

Goofy looked up at Sora. "Hiya Sora, that didn't hurt at all. Donald, Donald, where are you!"

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNK!"

Everyone looked around.

"Hm…" Cloud pondered. "Wonder what that is?"

"Maybe it's a broken car alarm." Kuja stated floating back over. "I know, I'll make an ode it's an ode to car alarms!"

"Doggy!" Sora cried.

"Hey, looky what I found!" Hotaru screamed, "Materia!"

"Woot! Valefore!" Chi screamed.

"BIRDY!"

"DOOOOOGGGGGYYYY!" Sora still cried, looking over the edge of the cliff. "I can become birdy and save you myself!" Sora screamed grabbing his little pink cape. "I'm coming Doggy!"

"No!" Cloud screamed running for him and tripping over Kuja in the process.

"…and the horn beeped…" Kuja was playing his little bongo sitting cross legged in the dirt. "Yes, that little horn beeped and beeped…"

"HOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNK!" Everybody looked around again.

"SORA!" Hotaru and Chi grabbed Sora's backpack swinging him back onto the cliff safely, but they tripped over their tales and went flying themselves.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" they gasped for breath. "…HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… Geeze Older Big Brudder is taking a long time… HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Cloud looked at his watch, which was broken. "Any time now."

"HHHHHHHHHH…H…H…"

Kuja banged his bongos. "And now… a young man… a valiant young man… comes running… galloping… sprinting… falling off cliffs… searching… finding… running somemore… oh the valiant young man… clad in… black leather… beautiful black leather… oh wait… he's pulling off… and he's… oh my goddess… he's…"Riku randomly ran by screaming 'It's not fair!' "and he's back on the road… on the road again… the valiant young man… is on the road again… hit the road man… and won't you go pee some more some more some more some more… hit the road man… and … no don't trip on me… ow man… and don't you come back no more no more no more no more… look at your tight pants… and jump like a frog… oh yeaaaaaaahhh."

"…H………………H…………………………………………….H…."

"You two okay?" The man grabbed the two buy the tails.

Kuja played the Final Fantasy victory music on his bongos. "Dodododo do do dododo." The man swung the girls around and threw them over his shoulder as he always did with his weapon.

"ITAI!" Hotaru and Chi screamed kissing their tails.

"…" The man just stared at them.

"Sooo, what's up Squall?" Cloud said coming up and patting him on the back as Kuja randomly chanted Squall to the beat of the bongo.

"Squall… Val…en…tine…"

Cloud looked at Kuja. "But Valentine wasn't his gamps, fugly was."

"Heh…heh…" Kuja picked up his bongo and ran away. "I am taking my leave, I shall exit stage RIGHT!" Kuja pranced into a cliff wall. "Heh, heh, maybe it's stage left." Kuja pranced off. "Kuja, away!"

"It's dinner time." Squall said looking back at where Nibelheim lay.

Cloud helped Squall round up the group and get them going in the right direction. Squall led the way and Cloud brought up the rear. Squall looked around quizzically counting heads.

Hotaru read his mind. "Donald and Goofy aren't here."

"Yeah," Sora smiled. "Doggy went down the hole."

He pointed to where they fell. Squall looked down. Goofy was sitting there looking for Donald who was underneath him. Squall slid down the cliff and helped them back up. Donald looked a little worse for wear. Squall took his place back in front and they continued on their way.

"So, what's for dinner Squall?" Hotaru asked, her tail curling with delight.

Squall ignored her, paying attention to the pathway ahead. His own tail swung back and forth. Hotaru 'hmphed' and crossed her arms as Chi stormed up behind Squall. Chi's tail twitched with anger.

"Don't ignore us Squally!" Chi said yanking on his tail.

He gave a yelp and replied that he didn't know what dinner was going to be. No one said anything the rest of the way home. That is except for Sora who kept humming 'Simple and Clean' while he played with his little Sora, Riku, and Kairi dolls. As they approached Nibelheim Hotaru and Chi ran off in to the Shinra mansion and into their room. Sora trotted behind them and tripped over his untied, pink shoelaces. Squall mumbled something about needing a new book and wandered off into town. Cloud picked up a crying Sora and walked on into the yard, Donald and Goofy in tow. As Squall passed the mansion's gate the guard dog barked. Cloud yelled at him to shut him up, it worked. The dog was just a big sissy. An evil smile formed on Squall's face as his tail curled and his steps got lighter. The dog whined and returned to his doggy house. Cloud set Sora safely inside the mansion before retreating to his room to play Ape Escape. He passed Hotaru and Chi's room in the hall and over heard their conversation which involved their plans for playing a prank on Squall at school. Cloud smiled and walked on. Cloud sneezed a funny odor was hanging in the air.

A thumping sounded as their maid ran down the halls. "Oh no, the kitchen's on fire! Disney'll have my head!"

"You caught it on fire again Zack?" Cloud sighed looking at the slightly burnt Zack in his maid uniform. "Don't you have any Shiva materia on you?" Zack shook his head while he searched the pockets of his used to be white apron and typical maids dress. "Well I've only got Bahamut and Neo-Bahamut," Cloud said checking his own pockets.

"They won't do us any good." Zack thought for a moment. "Hey, what about Hotaru and Chi! They can do magic, right?"

Cloud snorted. "Well so can Sora." The two sniggered as they heard a thump emanate from the front yard. "Looks like Hotaru and Chi persuaded Sora that jumping off the roof was a good idea again, Disney won't like that."

The fire alarm sounded bringing them back to the emergency at hand. "So what about Hotaru and Chi?"

"We can try it." Cloud mumbled as he knocked on their door.

There was a scraping of wood against wood as papers were jammed back into drawers and a shuffling of feet.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Came Hotaru's voice through the door, her glowing green eye peeped out the key hole.

"We are in need of assistance."

Chi's voice became audible. "What do they mean by that?"

"I don't know." Hotaru said. "Too big of words."

"We need help!" Zack cried as smoke started to billow out of the kitchen.

"ZACK!" the door flew open and the girls smothered Zack.

"..the…kitchen…casserole…burning…can't…breathe…"

"Never fear the twins are here!" Hotaru said grabbing her sword and throwing Chi her staff. Her throw was a little off and it poked Chi in the eye. "ITAI! MY EYE!"

The twin gene had kicked in and though it was Chi that got hurt it was Hotaru that felt the pain.

Chi laughed and Hotaru poked herself in the eye. "ITAI!"

"Grrrrrrr…" they growled at each other.

"Girls, the kitchen… Disney'll be back anytime from work and…"

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN!"

"Too late," Cloud gave a weak laugh and darted off to his room, locking the door. Hotaru and Chi did the same.

"ZACK!"

"Coming Disney… why me?"

Disney, guess who, was standing in her now ruined kitchen holding a frying pan. "What did you do!"

Zack twiddled his thumbs staring at the ground. "You see I was just making a casserole dinner and I got side tracked by the… the… the Weis Kreuz show and…"

"Whoa, wait a minute." Disney put her hands on her hips. "You were actually making dinner?"

"Uh huh…, I just thought you could use a little break, and…"

"Oh Zack, you're so thoughtful." Disney smiled. "If only my ex were more like you and less like himself."

"Aw come on, you can't dislike him THAT much." Zack crossed his arms. "I mean you did have Squall, Hotaru and Chi, and Sora with him and not to mention taking both me and Cloud under your wing like your very own."

Disney stared at him coldly and Zack ran off saying something like he thought the toilet was on fire. The door slammed and Sora came running in screaming. Squall followed close behind, chasing after Sora.

Squall caught Sora with ease. "How many times do I have to tell you! You don't jump off the roof of the house or throw water balloons at people on the street!"

Sora pouted. "But I like jumping off the roof, it's fun, and how was I supposed to know that you were the one that I was throwing at, everyone looks the same around here."

(Yeah right.) Squall thought as he said hi to Disney and gathered his sopping new book up and walked off to his room.

"Sora, didn't I tell you not to listen to Hotaru and Chi when they tell you to do something?" Disney asked being as gentle as she could be. Sora shook his head. "Then promise me you'll be good until tomorrow."

She sent Sora on his way. That's when she heard the strange footsteps and large shadow coming towards the house. She grabbed the frying pan that she had set down after Zack had left and slithered over to the door. Slowly she raised her frying pan. The door opened and…

End of Chapter 2

Hotaru: O.O Suspensefull!

Chi: smiles I know.

Jaheira: How can they be mine! Oh well, you best get on to the other chapter Chi.

Chi: Okay! She pumps her arm. Hotaru sends her a maniacal look. They look at Jaheira.

Chi and Hotaru: Mommy! Jaheira groans as they hug her

Chi: Wow that was a long chapter. Sorry about all the capital "yelling" letters. To explain it all, Hotaru and I were VERY hyper when we wrote it. Oh, and Donald is really a goose, that's why he honks, and the line where Squall said fugly was his gramps, fugly Hojo.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I yet again do not own any of the Final Fantasy, other game, or anime characters. And yet again those that I do own will be posted with each chapter that they appear in.

Characters I/my friends own:

Chi me

Hotaru

Jaheira

Chapter 3

…WHACK! She hit Tifa square in the face.

"Hunny, I'm home!"

"Shu-toh! I missed." Disney said as Sephiroth stepped over the unconscious Tifa and into his house. "You're home early. Guess you didn't sell anything, did you?"

Sephy hung his head, "Nope, but that Reno made a HUGE deal on an old piece of junk, it's not fair. And to make matters worse I chipped a nail."

Disney rubbed her head. This was the very reason that they divorced, for the 10th time, he drove her nuts. Disney slammed the door closed once Sephy was in causing Tifa who was beginning to come around to go unconscious again. Sephy plopped down onto the couch and stretched. Disney got an evil idea.

"Hey kids, daddy's home!"

"YAY!"

A thundering herd of children made up of Sora, Chi, Hotaru, Squall who was reading his book and walking, and Cloud and Zack came running in and pounced on Sephy. After a few moments of bone crushing hugs Sephiroth pulled his children, adopted and blood, off of him. Zack went up to Disney and apologized once more.

"Seriously Zack, it's alright." Disney smiled.

"Good," Zack returned the gesture, "since that's over with, can I have 50 bucks?"

"Sure."

"Great!" Zack smiled to himself. (Sucker.)

"What was that Zack?" Disney asked pulling the money back. "I can read minds too you know."

"Uh," Zack rubbed the back of his head, "I love you?"

"Awwwwww." Disney trapped Zack in a giant hug.

Chi and Hotaru bounded out of their room to which they had quickly returned after greeting Sephiroth. "Hey! Our Zack!"

"HEY!" Cloud bound up from the couch where he sat next to Sephy. "My Zack!" He grabbed Zack's arm.

"No our Zack!" Chi and Hotaru grabbed Zack's other arm.

"MINEY!" Cloud yelled acting like Sora as he grabbed Zack's leg.

"Mine! I own this house!" Disney grabbed Zack's neck.

"Uh, don't I get a say in this?" Zack asked as they tugged on him.

"NO!" They all yelled.

"Okay." Zack whispered quite scared.

Sephiroth dramatically jumped from the couch and tackled them all. "My Zack! I'm the man in this house!"

"No, mine!" Cloud yelled.

"Infact," Disney thought to herself ignoring the others, "not only do I own this house I own everyone in it and everything around me! I own the world! Ha…haha…hahahaha…haha…ha."

Kuja peeked his head around the front door. "Did somebody call?"

"No!" Everyone yelled at him.

"Sheesh, a guy can tell when he's not wanted."

"You're never wanted Kuja." Disney stated.

"Whatever, see ya tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're only a day away!" Kuja left pounding on his bongo.

Chi and Hotaru giggled. "Hehehe, mommy, you're becoming just like daddy."

"Awww, sweety." Sephiroth hugged Disney.

"It burns!" Disney pulled away.

Getting a burst of an idea Zack pulled out his empty wallet and threw it down the hall. "Hey guys, there's free money in there!"

"Sweet!" Everyone charged after the empty wallet and fought over it vigorously.

"Finally." Zack admired the beauty of his new $50 bill. He froze. "Wait, I had credit cards in there. No!"

Later at dinner.

"Aw, why do we have to have McDonalds again?" Sora pouted poking at his kid's meal.

"Geeze Sora," Riku, the local neighborhood boy from down the street and Sora's best friend, nudged him from the chair next to him, "you're the only kid who would complain about having McDonalds for the umpteenth time in a row for dinner. I mean look, you get free toys."

Riku went back to playing with Sephy, Cloud, Zack, Goofy, Chi, Hotaru, and the other neighborhood kid, Kairi. Disney, Donald, and Squall were the only ones, besides Sora, who didn't get kids meals and weren't playing with the stupid toys. Sephy got 20 kids meals complaining that he had a big appetite and one wouldn't work. Everyone knew it a lie. All Sephy wanted were the free toys.

"Yay! Look, I got a Barbie one!" Kuja made his Barbie do a twirl on the long mahogany table.

"And who invited you again?" Disney asked.

"Squall did, didn't you Squall?" Kuja smiled at the silent Squall who had his nose in his book again.

(I hate this family.) Squall thought. (I hate my life.)

"Aw come on Squall," Hotaru patted him on the back, "lighten up."

Disney glared at Kuja. "That's a lie."

Kuja pouted. "Aw, come on, do I really need to be invited? I am family afterall, I am Uncle Kuja."

"Yeah." Chi and Hotaru pouted, "Come on mommy, let him stay!"

"Yeah." Sephy agreed.

"Shut it Sephiroth." Disney growled.

"Yes ma'am." Sephy went back to playing with his toys.

Disney sighed. "Alright, you can stay."

"YAY!"

"Gawd I have a headache." Disney rubbed her head as the babble began again. Kuja began his poetry spouts as Sora and Riku whispered, Chi and Hotaru picked on Squall, Kairi turned to talk to Donald and Goofy cause everyone was ignoring her, Cloud whispered to Zack, and Sephy and Kuja, who had come at a loss for words, began an all out Barbie war. "This is going to be a loooong night."

"Yeah." Squall agreed, having that be his last word for the evening before returning to his book.

End of Chapter 3

Chi: Woot, so what did you think? Tell me, is it good! I know now that all the little fans of the characters are probably having a fit. Oh well, they can get over it. After all, isn't kinda fun to see your favorite characters act all crazy?

Hotaru: Hey Chi, did you see what we did with those toy cars we got from McDonalds? We were the only ones who wanted them so no one else could have taken them.

Chi: I don't know. shrugs a crash is heard

Chi and Hotaru: UH-OH!

Squall: Chi! Hotaru! holding up toy cars Damnit! If I trip on these stupid car toys one more time…!

Chi and Hotaru: Uh-oh, gotta go!

Chi: Sorry peoples, I've got a headache and I haven't finished the next chapter. I promise to hurry.


End file.
